Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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