He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Vodka?
Forever.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
