How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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