dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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