im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
