margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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