I faked an abortion last night.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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