It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
