Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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