You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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