Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize