By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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