I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
