Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
