you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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