Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
