i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
