how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize