In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
