So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
