Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
