its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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