Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize