Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
