So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
