when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Randomize
