I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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