im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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