She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
