you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
