you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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