You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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