How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
