Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize