Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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