Can i not drive my cunt home
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
pray to the hookup gods
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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