so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize