You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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