you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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