My liver just broke up with me...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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