I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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