Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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