the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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