Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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