The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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