ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
home. puking in laundry basket.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
