Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
