The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize