I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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