He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
