Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize