we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
