my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize