just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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