If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
