why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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