what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
