i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
