Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
