checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize