hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you would pick up someone in the library
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
