I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
