I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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