well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
