i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
