Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
