My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize