I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
