He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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