but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
