I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Randomize
