Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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