we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize