You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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