dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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