You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
