Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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