let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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