I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
