wat bout pragnant strippers??
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
