He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Every concussion has its silver lining
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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