I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
